An ode to the group chat
That place where we can say or coordinate just about anything...
The news cycle a few weeks ago about the greatest group chat scandal to date got me thinking about the many forms and purposes of group texts. Besides the war group chat (which I guess we can classify as a work chat?), there’s also the trip-planning group chat, the neighbourhood chat, the coordinating group chat, the Wordle share chat, and, of course, the friend chat for emotional support, gossip, and random pics.
Group chats can range from a functional mechanism for connecting with people in your network to being the primary way a long-distance friendship stays alive.
This morning, I made a spreadsheet listing my 45 most recently active group chats from the past two years. Harnessing my Capricorn organizing skills and my occasional data nerd tendencies, I did some analysis to survey the field and see if I could find some patterns.
Some interesting insights:
- I started 1/3 of them
- 7 were initially formed to coordinate an event (destination wedding, visit, group meal, etc.) and then continued on with more casual chatting afterward
- Life updates, family, and work ones were the most active categories of chats
- About half were local (Toronto-based) chats, and the other half were national, continental, or global
- Two of my Instagram meme-sharing chats, which used to have three members, now have two active members and one inactive member (who will be flooded with memes if they ever decide to return to the app!)
An active chat requires that people regularly use the selected channel. The vast majority of my chats are on WhatsApp (33), followed by iMessage (7), with a few on Instagram (3), Facebook Messenger (1), and Marco Polo (1). There are many other options, like Signal, Slack, G-Chat, Discord, Microsoft Teams, and Snapchat. So far, no one has asked me to download Signal for their chat.
I heard from the Gen Zers at the pickleball social that their generation uses Instagram chat more and that no one asks for phone numbers anymore. But I guess I’m solidly a Millennial, and I have been known to track down a new face on our condo floor to get their number for the 6th-floor group chat.
The chats don’t need to be constantly active to provide friendship benefits. Ten of my 45 chats are active only in bursts, like when the 6th-floor neighbors or my cousins wish each other a happy holiday. The camp friends chat is active during the week we’re together and the period right after, but then it’s quiet for most of the year. But the existence of these chats year-round means there is an open channel for when you need to ask a neighbor to lend a ladder, or when a camp friend has a big life update, or when a group of friends coordinates an occasional meal together. The group chat is then the opening for future conversations, even if it isn't currently active.
Which of your group chats bring joy, a sense of belonging, or maybe a sense of distance? Do you have one you want to start, or leave?
Pro-Friendship Tip
On the Friend Forward podcast, Kasley Killam talked about her 5-3-1 rule to improve your social connections. She recommends that you use these three benchmarks for your social health (like mental health, but for friends!):
(5) Spend time with FIVE different people a week
(3) Nurture at least THREE close relationships
(1) Have ONE quality hour of social connection a day
Yay Friends Moment of the Month
Looking back at photos shared in group chats can be a trip down memory lane. Recently, two memories from March 2020 resurfaced, prompting a chuckle/cringe.
Boomer and I don’t have a clue how to chat on Instagram
Somehow I missed this for a whole month?! I don’t think in many group chats… I’ll have to pay attention!